http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmTbnpo3RYQ

Cleaning for steven

Do you know how dogs take baths and then get out and then they are very excited? Humans can get real sick and then better and feel the same way.

Jury Duty

After arriving at the Ventura Courthouse on a brisk tuesday morning, I was eager to check in so that I could get started waiting. I had an excellent batch of hangover to attend and many groggy Ventura County residents to study. Considering my unfortunate luck with not receiving a jury summons the previous year, I wasn't going to waste a minute of precious wait time. After check-in, I proceeded to check out a familiar room filled with unfamiliar faces. I couldn't wait to start waiting. And then by completely blocking out important orientation details with sobering thoughts of the last night's malt liquour consumption, I easily avoided all incoming Info. Adhering to my strict but basic ritual of the "hangover headhold", I thought it best to dismiss my natural instinct to cry. Luckily, while awkwardly shimmying to a more adult standing position after suggesting a hunched elderly woman to take my seat, and I was then able to juggle all my pointless and stupid belongings from higher up, enabling me to drop both my outdated cell phone and beat up paperback version of Steven King's "It"(which had mysteriously been changed to "Shit', weeks pryor) Simultaniously. The caliber of this flail caught the attention of only most of the people in the whole orientation. I got this act out of the way early, clearing up any indication that I had had a rough evening the night before. The offended elder, who was miraculously and quite obviouly now a Gentleman, was nice enough to kick-slide my Cell to me, debacking the phone, so I was then able to add, yet another piece to my already amazing act. I kinda felt like a showoff, for I proceeded to cockily leave the mangled phone grounded and magically call the suicice hotline for imediate help, with my talented toes. This thought never materialized into action, so I stepped up the real action and gave my growing audience the finale act, concluding the mysterious show with my rendition of "The Spinning Verizon Roundup", with foot finesse Balinchine could respect, juggling pens, coffee, and books all the while. When I stomped the landing back into my unwanted seat, the amazement in the still growing audience was obvious. My new position as Court Jester had been attained. It was obvious, by the bewilderment in the Juror Director's eyes that she too had been mezmerized. A little too obvious, in fact, considering her decision to select me, Noah Allen, first. I would have silently chuckled too, if I were like "them", the poor unwanted jury panel hopefuls. But there was no time to feel bad for them, as I frantically stuffed little entertaining accesories into the chair with no hiding places. No more juggeling act. They had seen a good show already, and who really needs a mini disc player or a set of 8 pens, anyways? I felt light and stylish as I meandered through the room of bad walkway design and confuzed faces. They were scared of my success, I thought, as I accepted my award (manila folder for the judge). My speech was short and to the point, "thanks, uhhh, which room do I go to?". She answered with her always stern eyes analyzing my secretly red face. My ability to appear calm and cool overlapped excitement and I left that room for the last time. "This is it", I thought as I headed for the enchanting doors, "I leave my fans now until the next time-". Just then, my amazing selective hearing heard.
"excuse me sir, is this your copy of It?"
"Not really", I rebuttled with my classic badass smirk, "that's my Shit, though".
I ran to the Elevator.

Evidence that Neo wasn't exactly flying.

http://vimeo.com/1778399

Raising the bar.

Once in a while, you'll find fun in or around an apartment complex. We could only try this one once due to a neurotic pornstar chasing us.

http://msn.foxsports.com/olympics/pgStory?contentId=8460586#sport=Olympics&photo=9165062